Life, Oct 20

between 07:00 to 10:00 Wake up
between 08:00 to 11:00 Make breakfast
between 09:00 to 12:00 Metro- read the news, read "Democracy and Education- Dewey"
between 11:00 to 14:00 Lab- work (:p)-tea-work (:p :p)-lunch-work-tea
between 18:00 to            Badminton
between 18:00 to 20:00 Metro- read French
between 20:00 to 22:00 Cook, eat
between 21:00 to 02:00 Chat, FB; Sleep

Late night conversations with a confused, hyperactive brain

What are you doing about reality?
I try to understand it... I experience, I think, I discuss...

And...
And what?

That's it?
At times I feel like changing it... some part..

Why?
Umm... because its not the way it should be..

So what?
...

And why aren't you doing anything then?
...

-------------------------------------------------------
 
There is no race, I am not gonna run...

Are you sure?
...not with others.

What about time?
You m*****f**ker...

...
I can't just start running... Isn't it absolutely essential that one finds the right direction to run?

So, you are trying to find the right direction?
Yes... umm... well.. I want to...

And how will you do that?
...

Reality and the mirage.

Some interesting thoughts ran through my mind as I was standing at the edge of a terrace garden, looking at the dark clouds passing in the dusk sky, breeze flowing onto my face...

What happens if one tries not to do anything to obtain pleasure (neither instant nor deferred, thus disobeying the "pleasure" as well as the "reality principle")? How does one make choices about one's actions? Will the actions arising from the "discomfort avoiding principle" be effectively the same as the "reality principle"?

(Following is not for people with some affection towards me)

What if I come to know that I am going to die in 10 days/a month/a year from now? Will I change the course of my actions?

Meanwhile, my blog was tag-lined "pieces of a mirage" reflecting my earlier mental-state that I had denied myself a reality because I kept/am running after a mirage, and all that I am dealing with now are the pieces of that mirage... After some dose of Zizek baba it seems to me that what is, is reality and I am constructing the mirage because the reality has tricked my brain into creating the need for a mirage... Damnitt!

Waiting for my real life...

Someone just jolted me back to reality... My blog is nonfunctional! What the hell.. She is right.. What am I doing??

Waiting for my real life to begin...

BIG DAYS

Today I was talking with some school kids in a science workshop. I was asking them some questions and they were asking me some questions and in all this a really smart girl gets up and asks me what has been the biggest day of my life?

(How smart, I thought. But then the teacher tells me that its inspired by some talk show on the TV. And I say fair enough.)

So whatever. I scratched my head a lot, took a deep breath and told her something I deeply believe in. The big day in my life is still to come. And there is going to be not one, but many. Yes. There are going to be BIG days in my life, girl. BIG DAYS!

I just realised one thing.

I don't really despise certain people.
I despise certain things they do, things they talk.

Feeling relieved...

extempore

Something that has been about me forever but i have realised it lately...

I dont like situations where i have to compete for the sake of competing without the whole process being enjoyable.This fact has got n implications..I dont like to interact with people who i feel may try to judge me...and then decide how to interact...

I have very poor sports instincts. (i dont like to compete)

but with others i am jus fine...people find me diverse...i do a lot of things...i dont like to stay with anything for long...thats bad and i am tryin to improve...

with people i connect well, i am very frank, jo dil mein hai wahi bahar...

cheers to the quest!!!

regarding the quest to question and to find answers

Prashna chinha he eka avasthech symbol ahe..."Jeevant"panach...

This ? symbolises life...

Anil Avchatanchya shabdat...

"lage ghar ghar... phirle dole, man takli...
mhanje mrutyu?
che che to tar... adhich hoto
sodun jate... jeva kutuhal"

prashna padne ani uttara shodhne hi manvi jivnachi khari "quest" ahe...

cheers to the "QUEST"...cheers to "LIFE"!!!

"Manavya"

I am workin with a group for a ngo called "manavya" which is home to around 50 HIV +ve kids...i try to go there every sunday and teach kids basic mathemetics, reading and writing marathi etc.

Its been a very nice experience so far...We have been there for 8-10 sessions and I have realized that teaching simply even to count is so tough.

What drew me to this is probably my liking for teaching and what i feel my current attraction to questions related to psychology (especially of children) and i guess also my still unexplored interest in handling such organizational system.

Overall I am tryin to explore myself with those kids...one of the quests...