Motivation

“Motivationचा complete भोसडा वाजला आहे.”

हे वाक्य गेल्या आठवड्याभरात हजार वेळा झालय़ घोकुन… मनातल्या-मनात, स्वत:शी, मित्रांपाशी, आणि आता तर चायला लिहायलाच घेतलं… (नशिब! तेवढ्यासाठी तरी motivation शिल्लक आहे…) दिवसच्या दिवस motivation नाहिये म्हणुन टवाळक्या करत वाया चाललॆत आणि रात्री गावभर उंडारतोय कसं आणि कुठे शोधू म्हणुन…

व्यवस्थित असं शेवटचं कधी दिसलं होत, तेही भोसडीचं नीट आठवत नाही. नाही म्हणायला अधुन-मधुन असं motivation नावाचं काहीतरी असतं/होतं आपल्या आयुष्यात पण अशी जाणिव करुन द्यायला मलाच उमाळे येतात कुत्तरड्याचे!

वरुन साले दीड कवडीचे लोकसुद्धा आम्हाला कसं दीड दमडी कमावण्यासाठी motivation लागत नाही म्हणत वाकुल्या दाखवतात. आणि त्याचाही कळस म्हणजे भोसडीचे ते शुन्य कवडीचीसुद्धा किंमत नसलेले (पण दुस-याची किंमत ठरवायचा अधिकार मिळालेले) लोक, आमच्याकडे आतुनच motivation कसं नाही म्हणुन, दीड दमडीच्या लोकांकडे कौतुकाने बघत आम्हाला निकम्मे ठरवुन मोकळे होणार… ** लेकाचे.

बरं, स्वप्नच पाहिली नसती कधी तर प्रश्नच नव्हता… पण तेव्हा उमजलंच नाही ना. अर्धवट स्वप्नं पाहुन ठेवली ढीगभर… आता निस्तरायची कशी ते कळत नाहीये… स्वप्न जुमानत नाहीत पुर्णपणे अजुन एवढं नशीब समजायचं… नाहीतर तीही निघुन जायची कंटाळुन. मग काय? Complete भोसडाच…*

*स्वप्नं विकायचे प्रयत्नसुद्धा करुन झालेत. तीही सहजासहजी कुणी घेत नाही लेकाची…

----------

BIG DAYS

Today I was talking with some school kids in a science workshop. I was asking them some questions and they were asking me some questions and in all this a really smart girl gets up and asks me what has been the biggest day of my life?

(How smart, I thought. But then the teacher tells me that its inspired by some talk show on the TV. And I say fair enough.)

So whatever. I scratched my head a lot, took a deep breath and told her something I deeply believe in. The big day in my life is still to come. And there is going to be not one, but many. Yes. There are going to be BIG days in my life, girl. BIG DAYS!

In the search of a new soul...

Dreams that vanished fore my eyes,
into a world I thought was another,
leaving a grey melancholy behind,
that I now so much desire.

Far far away, the sky still calls,
to revive, rekindle,
but the clouds, partisan to the grief
say- all a swindle.

Not deep within,
the dreams , the world, the tumult galore, n'
I keep walking in the search of a new soul,
in the search of a new soul...

Dubki

I am writing about it long after it actually happened. It just came up somehow and I realised something that I hadn't then.

Following is not an attempt at generating sympathy, nor at adding to the already ongoing debate about the real India. On the other hand it is also not merely an observation. Rather it is something that hits you, you are taken aback for a flutter of an eyelash but you dont realise why and then some time later, it comes. The understanding!

We conduct an educational assistance programme at a slum in Pune. Its a typical slum with zuggis, a nullah, bare-skinned kids running around and playing, parents sitting idle chewing tobbacco. In this ambience we conduct classes in one of the zuggis.

One saturday in February along with other volunteers I was calling out and gathering kids for a session. A small chap (dont remember his name) with just a chaddi comes up to me, looks at me, unaware of anything in the world, says "Bhaiyya, canal mein ek dubki lagaa ke aawu kya?". (He was actually asking me if he could have a bath in the canal and come) Damn!! At that moment I felt something which I couldnt capture into my consciousness. I just told him to do it after we were gone.

But under the humdrum of daily life, somewhere, I was trying to replay that moment and capture the romance of that expression.

I dont remember how the "Aha!" moment came. Guess it was gradual and the layers of the revealation entagled in my life. It surely was the perfect carelessness (may be due to his age or his surrounding), the routineness of the task yet the immense joy that was evident from his tone, the manner- indication of the comfort we share with the kids and, and the ease with which he let it go...

This realisation just made my day! I am floating in the canal since this morning...

I just realised one thing.

I don't really despise certain people.
I despise certain things they do, things they talk.

Feeling relieved...